Matt Damon’s Kavanaugh Is Back and SNL’s Bar Tab Is Huge

Matt Damon dusted off his gavel and his beer gut for the May 9 episode of Saturday Night Live, reprising his iconic Brett Kavanaugh impression in a cold open that turned into the most unhinged MAGA boys’ night out television has ever seen.

The sketch opened at Martin’s Tavern — the legendary Georgetown watering hole — where Colin Jost’s Pete Hegseth arrived looking for a quiet drink away from the office. “It’s just nice to have my sneaky bar here, where I’m not going to run into anyone from work,” Jost’s Hegseth declared, “because none of Trump’s people like drinking as much as I do.”

He hadn’t even settled onto his barstool before Damon’s Kavanaugh came roaring in, robe and gavel in hand. “Wrong!” The justice immediately ordered what he called a “six-three decision” — six Bud Lights and three shots of Jameson — and Kenan Thompson’s bartender deadpanned, “Yep, a 6-3 decision coming right up.”

When Hegseth asked if Kavanaugh had accidentally included him in a Signal chat, the justice shook his head: “No, I just saw all the women covering their drinks.”

https://youtube.com/watch?v=7N68NjL9cMA%3Fsi%3Do3vV_-CVQe2Wm9Io

The Gang’s All Here

The two wasted no time catching up on their greatest hits. Jost’s Hegseth crowed, “Dude, can you believe I just, like, started a war?” Damon’s Kavanaugh shot back, “Can you believe I ended abortion? Your body, my choice!” When asked how the war in Iran was going, Hegseth offered: “Oh, it’s totally chill. It’s like me at a DWI checkpoint: completely blew over.”

Kavanaugh then pulled out what appeared to be a gerrymandered Tennessee voting district map — shaped suspiciously like a dinosaur — before correcting himself. “Oh, wait. Actually, no. That’s a field sobriety test. They told me to draw a circle.”

The real emotional gut-punch came when Kavanaugh confessed his deepest worry. Not the war. Not the courts. Male loneliness. “I used to have all my buddies to hang out with,” he lamented. “I just wish there were more people in this administration who could really hang.”

Right on cue, the doors swung open.

“Does this bar take Kash?!”

Aziz Ansari’s FBI Director Kash Patel — eyes bulging, energy unhinged — slid into the booth carrying personalized bourbon bottles engraved with his own name. “Somehow this is a real thing that I, the FBI director, have made,” Ansari’s Patel marveled. “This is real!” The bottles are, in fact, a real thing that exists.

Patel explained why he brings his own alcohol to bars: “Sometimes people think I’m a kid with a fake ID. They say, ‘Nobody would make this face in official photos.’” He then reflected on his journey. “We are all living the American dream. I’m the first person in my family to go to college — parties, many years after graduating.”

When Kavanaugh pressed him on rumors that he’s been ordering FBI staffers to take polygraph tests, Patel denied it emphatically. “No, I told them to make a graph of everyone in the FBI who’s poly. My girlfriend wants to open up our relationship!” The trio exchanged frat-style high-fives. “She says she wants to bring other guys into the bedroom and for me to stay in the living room.”

The Top Secret Bombshell

Just when things couldn’t get more chaotic, Damon’s Kavanaugh leaned in conspiratorially. “Can I tell you guys a secret?” he asked. “We’re gonna let Trump do a third term.”

Hegseth and Patel lost their minds — until Hegseth caught himself. “I thought that was unconstitutional?”

“It was,” Kavanaugh replied, “until Trump found the original Constitution, and at the end, he wrote, ‘Sike!’ We’re going to live forever!”

The sketch closed with the trio — plus the rest of the bar — belting out Chumbawamba’s “Tubthumping,” with drink orders subbed in for the lyrics. It was the perfect ending for a sketch that leaned hard into the real-life fact that both Hegseth and Kavanaugh faced pointed questions about their drinking during their respective confirmation hearings.

A Solid Night for Damon Overall

The cold open was the highlight of what turned out to be a genuinely strong episode. Damon — hosting for the third time, his first since 2018 — threw himself into everything. He played himself in a pre-taped Mother’s Day sketch called “Mom: The Movie,” a film deliberately stripped of all conflict because, as the premise went, “Moms have enough stress. Why not let them feel good for a day?” In it, Ashley Padilla’s character is blissfully married to Matt Damon, and they met when he noticed her giant turquoise necklace. It streams on HomeGoods Plus.

In his monologue, Damon addressed the elephant in the room: he’s hosting SNL nine weeks before his summer blockbuster The Odyssey opens on July 17, because the show will be on hiatus by then. He also explained why the beloved Mother’s Day tradition — flying cast members’ moms in for the show — wasn’t happening this year: Spirit Airlines shut down. The one exception was Marcello Hernández’s mom, who made it to the audience and got her own little moment.

The standout non-cold-open sketch of the night was a late-show bit pairing Damon with Sarah Sherman as two auctioneers having a marriage-ending fight — auctioneering their way through infidelity, their sex life, and eventual divorce terms in front of four young sons (played by adult cast members holding numbered signs). It was a genuinely bold piece of live comedy, and Damon’s acting chops gave it real weight underneath the absurdity.

Weekend Update featured Marcello Hernández and Mikey Day as government-employed kamikaze dolphins, Jane Wickline in a musical rant about always being late, and Jeremy Culhane’s Tucker Carlson impression — which leaned hard into Carlson’s tendency to see everything through a very particular lens. Describing ASAP Rocky’s Met Gala pink robe, Culhane’s Carlson noted the performer was “wearing my least favorite color… African-American.”

Musical guest Noah Kahan performed “The Great Divide” and “Doors.”

Next Saturday, Season 51 wraps with Will Ferrell returning for his sixth time hosting, alongside musical guest Paul McCartney. After that, SNL heads into its summer hiatus. Damon’s Kavanaugh, one assumes, will keep ordering 6-3 decisions until the show needs him again.