Brian Hickerson Still Wants to Marry Hayden Panettiere

Brian Hickerson still wants to marry Hayden Panettiere. That’s the headline he delivered himself — unprompted, emotional, and seemingly unaware of how complicated that admission is coming from the man who was convicted of felony domestic violence against her.

Sitting down with TMZ’s Charlie Neff ahead of Panettiere’s upcoming memoir, This Is Me: A Reckoning, Hickerson opened up about the former couple’s relationship in a way that was by turns remorseful, self-aware, and, at moments, deeply unsettling. When asked if he ever thinks about marrying the former Nashville actress, he didn’t hesitate. “Yeah, of course,” he said. And when pushed on whether he thinks it could ever actually happen: “I hope so — she probably doesn’t think the same way.”

He followed that up with something more grounded. “I think that Hayden is one of the most talented people I’ve ever met in my life, and I would be an idiot not to walk away from her and let her flourish in her career. So, we probably wouldn’t be good together.” He also said, plainly, that she “absolutely” deserves better than him. “I miss Hayden every day,” he added.

The Incident He Wanted Left Out

The interview took a harder turn when Hickerson revealed the specific moment from their relationship he begged Panettiere not to include in the book. She included it anyway.

“There’s a story where I was drunk,” he recalled. “Hayden was standing across the room and I had a phone in my hand and I said, ‘I’ll give you 10 seconds to run as fast as you can before I throw it at you.’”

He paused on that. “Who wants to read something about themselves, right? But you gotta be vulnerable and I did it. I did it, so.”

Hickerson and Panettiere dated on and off from 2018 to 2022 — a relationship that became increasingly public for all the wrong reasons. He was arrested multiple times for domestic violence incidents against her. In April 2021, he pleaded no contest to two felony counts of injuring a spouse or girlfriend and was sentenced to 45 days in county jail, four years probation, 52 mandatory domestic violence classes, and a five-year restraining order barring him from going near her.

He addressed the 2020 arrest directly: “I had a lot to drink and I got physical with her. I got arrested. Spent the night in jail and, you know, that’s just what happens when you lay hands on women.” And on the broader pattern of abuse: “You never lay hands on a woman, bottom line.”

On how their relationship looks in the memoir, he didn’t try to spin it. “I think it speaks for itself. I got arrested for abusing her, and I wouldn’t blame her friends for being pissed off at me. I don’t really have much to say on that.”

Working on Himself — and Rooting for Her

Hickerson said he’s been doing the work — AA meetings (he mentioned being in a group with Shia LaBeouf), therapy, and sitting with the weight of what he did. He also spoke about what he sees as a gap in how domestic violence is addressed culturally. “My biggest thing about domestic violence is I don’t think it is taught early enough in life. Never in my life did I ever get taught what domestic violence was. Maybe if I did at an early age, maybe I wouldn’t have done what I did.” He thinks the memoir could be an important read specifically for abusers — not just survivors.

“Hayden’s book is incredible,” he said. “I think everyone should read it. The domestic violence stuff — my chapter — everybody should read it.”

He confirmed he spoke with Panettiere just the day before his TMZ interview. “The conversation was about the book — it’s her first book, who wouldn’t be nervous about it? The only thing I said to her, I was like, ‘Look, dude, you’ve got one of the craziest stories I’ve ever heard in my life, and when people read it, it’s going to be a hit.’”

As for where they stand: “Our relationship right now is just a mutual respect thing. She’ll always hold a special place in my heart, and I hope the same for her. But yeah, we’re just good buddies.” The former couple was photographed together at an airport back in March, which had fans speculating about a rekindling — but Hickerson’s framing suggests it’s more complicated than that. He went into “such a dark place” during their relationship, he said — “drugs, alcohol” — and he seems to know, at least intellectually, that the distance is probably right.

Panettiere, 36, has described writing about that chapter of her life as “brutal, traumatic, and emotional.” In an interview with Us Weekly, she said: “It was important for me to word that experience properly. It’s a very embarrassing subject. I’ve always seen myself as such a resilient and strong woman. The idea that I could allow something like this to happen to me blew my mind. It blew the minds of the people that knew me best.”

This Is Me: A Reckoning hits shelves May 19.

If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic violence, help is available. Call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233, text START to 88788, or visit thehotline.org.